Nothing a Dirty Little Limerick Can't Fix

In general I would say I am a mildly addictive person. Meaning I am sometimes addicted to things (as opposed to very frequently or always addicted to things. Right). If I had to pick the two top things I am Addicted To right now, at this moment, I would chose NPR and Peanut Butter. I could go on and on about peanut butter (I love the stuff! Can't get enough! Delicious and versatile!) but what I want to focus on right now is the NPR part because it's actually related to my subject line, which, believe it or not, I really do try to make relevant.

Anyway. Katie and Brian got one of Michael Feldman's Whad'Ya Know books for Solstihanukahwanzamas*. My favorite part of the book is the amount of limericks in it. And not just any old limericks - current affairs limericks where you have to figure out the missing words. So it's entertaining and educational! Fun!

Ok - I'm getting to the point. Stay with me.

After I was reading this book I was thinking in limericks. Constantly. Everything I heard people say, all my thoughts, were in limerick rhythm. You may be wondering - How did you not go completely mad?? And the answer is, I'm not sure that I haven't, in fact, gone completely mad. I'll let Google Ads be the judge.

So here is a sampling of some limericks I wrote for my dear friend/suedo little brother Glen:

We all spent some time in VT
We get along well, you and me.
You're like my brother,
'Cept I don't need another.
Thank god we're not related - agree?

Glen's like my long lost brother.
We bicker like no other.
He's not really long lost
And he comes with a cost,
But at least he's not really my mother.

Glen's fires contain lots of smoke
Too many newspapers he used to stoke.
I smacked him real hard
And heard his brain shard,
I knocked down his IQ with that stroke.

Glen has very long femurs
He comes from a family of gleaners.
He's lanky as hell
He can't hear too well,
And actually he's kind of a wiener.

And finally, because dirty limericks are even more fun than regular ones:

Your sex life down in the gutter?
Don't worry, just slap on some butter!
Take a look at this list
It's real nice, get my gist?
Soon the pipes will be clear of their clutter.


*This is pretty self explanatory, isn't it? It's the all-inclusive holiday. Though, it doesn't include the JoHos. But in order to do that it would have to include the words Miserable Fucks or Anti-Happiness Whores or Santa=Satan or something along those lines, and I just didn't think it would flow as well.