Pass the goddamn wine, please

The people in my Spanish class are some of the most wonderful classmates I could ever hope for. They are patient and kind and interested and self-motivated and, most importantly, bring really really good snacks to class. I’m talking really good, like, wine and cheese kind of good.

I’m not really sure whose idea it was to bring snacks to class, but they are brilliant. It started out with someone bringing chips, then chips with guacamole and hummus, then someone made apple crisp. Soon we were eating chocolate cake, and now we’ve gone high-class and regularly consume wine and cheese during our hour and a half together. We raise our little plastic cups and toast to La Clase de Espanol! And suddenly, a few sips later, I’m speaking with an ease I can’t quite understand.

It has been said before that I am The Biggest Lightweight in History. And – it’s true. I had less than a full glass of wine and was already starting to slur my words and attempt to talk dirty in Spanish, a sure sign of too much alcohol consumption. I think I do a pretty good job at not acting too drunk, but my silliness gives me away every time. One student was tying to explain how his wife broke her leg, and the combination of his slow stuttering Spanglish with the fact that he was acting out his wife breaking her leg was enough to crack the thin layer of concentration around my buzz and send me into giggles for the rest of the class. But then, this small, mild-mannered man in his 50s interrupted our teacher and yelled VINO! as he slammed his fist down on the table.

And this marks the point in the class where I officially lost it.

After that I was completely unable to concentrate on what Florencia was trying to teach us, but it didn’t really matter because the fact that I was speaking so well cancelled out my borderline belligerence. She looked at me with pride as I rattled off a long answer to her question, not realizing that the spirit of satan was responsible for my new found skill.

I realized at that moment that drinking alcohol more regularly is just something I’m going to have to do if it helps me improve my Spanish. It takes sacrifice to learn another language. And this is a sacrifice I’m just going to have to make.