The Freak Magnet strikes again

At the gym today I was getting changed when I turn around to see a woman staring at me.

“Can I ask you a personal question?"

She clearly was not given the Handbook of Universal Rules in which it says DON'T ASK PEOPLE WEIRD QUESTIONS WHEN THEY'RE STANDING NAKED IN PUBLIC.

My mind started racing – I’m standing here naked and a stranger is staring at me, wanting to know if she can ask me a personal question. When someone asks you a question like that there’s not really anything you can do. Saying no just doesn’t seem like an option. What would have been more honest of her to ask would’ve been “After this one, can I ask you another incredibly awkward question?”

In my head I'm running through all the possible things she might ask me – When was the last time you shaved your legs? Do you like women? Has your butt always been so firm? Have you ever considered liposuction? It could be anything! I was praying it would be more along the lines of what one of my co-workers asked me the other day: “How do you eat so much? No really, I mean, physically, how do you eat so much?” But I doubted I would be so lucky today.

I didn’t even get out a reply – I must have stared at her with a terrified look on my face for about 30 seconds when she finally said “Have you always looked like you do now?"

[Long pause] “Uhhh….well, ever since puberty I guess.”

Just when you think it can’t get any more awkward. It does.

“I mean, have you always been thin? I’m trying to lose weight and I’m wondering…….” Everything after this is a blur. I wasn’t able to capture complete sentences because the awkwardness was so intense it was taking all of my brain power to keep myself from curling up into the fetal position underneath my locker while shoving chocolate bars into my mouth.

On a scale from 1-10 (10 being the most awkward) I would rate this experience as a solid 8. Maybe 8 1/2. It's just two points below what could be even more awkward: “Your breasts seem incredibly firm. How old are you – do you mind if I touch them?”

Getting changed in the gym is always an awkward experience. For me. Clearly, not everyone shares my issues with being naked in a room full of people. In fact, I’d say some people are so far on the opposite side of the spectrum as far as public nudity is concerned that I feel completely incapable of interacting with them. It’s like two people who speak different languages trying to get the other to explain quantum physics.

Truthfully, I’m kind of embarrassed by their comfortableness with being naked in public. There's nothing like walking into the changing room, turning the corner to the lockers and BAM being hit in the face with a naked woman bending over, or walking towards you, or just simply standing there, clearly trying to make you uncomfortable. And suddenly everywhere I rest my eyes seems to be wrong. Tragically wrong.

This is an aspect of gym culture that I will never understand. I wish I was more comfortable in the changing room – with the whole package. But it’s just an awkward space – a weird energy. People act like they're not looking at each other, but they are. And that woman who asked me the weird question just totally confirmed that she was looking at me. At least have the sense to pretend you're not looking like everyone else does.